Difference between revisions of "Template:Did you know nominations/Clare Wheatley"

From blackwiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
imported>Gerda Arendt
(appr)
imported>Gerda Arendt
(ps)
Line 24: Line 24:
 
::: '''ALT2''': ... that footballer '''[[Clare Wheatley]]''' succeeded [[Vic Akers]], who had told her that "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club", as development officer and general manager?
 
::: '''ALT2''': ... that footballer '''[[Clare Wheatley]]''' succeeded [[Vic Akers]], who had told her that "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club", as development officer and general manager?
 
::: [[File:Symbol confirmed.svg|16px]] approve all three, let the prep builder choose, --[[User:Gerda Arendt|Gerda Arendt]] ([[User talk:Gerda Arendt|talk]]) 21:57, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
 
::: [[File:Symbol confirmed.svg|16px]] approve all three, let the prep builder choose, --[[User:Gerda Arendt|Gerda Arendt]] ([[User talk:Gerda Arendt|talk]]) 21:57, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
 +
::: ps: after removing some repetition, we are at 1508 characters. You are welcome to add a bit, such as more lead, but please not by repetition ;) - sorry about repeating repetition. --[[User:Gerda Arendt|Gerda Arendt]] ([[User talk:Gerda Arendt|talk]]) 22:12, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
 
}}<!--Please do not write below this line or remove this line. Place comments above this line.-->
 
}}<!--Please do not write below this line or remove this line. Place comments above this line.-->

Revision as of 22:12, 1 December 2017

Clare Wheatley

  • ... that Arsenal Ladies player Clare Wheatley took over club's development officer and general manager roles from Vic Akers after he had told her "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club"? Source: WFA

Created by The C of E (talk). Self-nominated at 13:20, 28 November 2017 (UTC).

Symbol question.svg Decent bio (without saying much about her as a person, though), on good sources, no copyvio obvious. Hook: please avoid the repetition of the club's name, rather tell us what she played which could be cards or golf ;) I think there's no relation between the two things, so suggest to say "Akers who had told her". I am open to a completely different hook because it says more about him than her. - Article: please go over it, looking for repetition (joined , following, retirement). I guess there more elegant ways than "which meant that" and "able to take over his role". The quote from the hook needs something, can't follow the name, I'd think. These are only suggestions, not relevant for approval, but once I look ... - Thank you for review of the hymn! --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:46, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
I have altered the hook. You have to say the club name twice as it is the quote that is forcing the repeat, not the full hook. Personally I am fine with leaving the hook as it is. The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 18:33, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
ALT1: ... that football player Clare Wheatley took over as Arsenal Ladies' development officer and general manager roles from Vic Akers who had told her "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club"?
Thank you, I made it ALT1. If the hook has the club's name, put it in front, no? How is this:
ALT2: ... that footballer Clare Wheatley succeeded Vic Akers, who had told her that "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club", as development officer and general manager?
Symbol confirmed.svg approve all three, let the prep builder choose, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:57, 1 December 2017 (UTC)
ps: after removing some repetition, we are at 1508 characters. You are welcome to add a bit, such as more lead, but please not by repetition ;) - sorry about repeating repetition. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:12, 1 December 2017 (UTC)