Difference between revisions of "Template:Did you know nominations/David Asante-Apeatu"
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− | *'''Oppose''' The article reads like a CV. Furthermore, the proposed hook is poor. The article doesn't mention teaching, it trivialises police work, and as if that wasn't enough, the hook is essentially telling us that a policeman does police work and has a rank. You don't say. --[[User:Dweller|Dweller]] ([[User talk:Dweller|talk]]) <small>Become [[Wikipedia:Old Fashioned Wikipedian Values|old fashioned!]]</small> 09:39, 13 July 2017 (UTC) | + | *<strike>'''Oppose'''</strike> The article reads like a CV. Furthermore, the proposed hook is poor. The article doesn't mention teaching, it trivialises police work, and as if that wasn't enough, the hook is essentially telling us that a policeman does police work and has a rank. You don't say. --[[User:Dweller|Dweller]] ([[User talk:Dweller|talk]]) <small>Become [[Wikipedia:Old Fashioned Wikipedian Values|old fashioned!]]</small> 09:39, 13 July 2017 (UTC) |
:*Though I do not agree with your assertion that the article reads like a CV, I have reworded certain sections of it and proposed an alternative hook. It is sometimes very difficulty writing an African article to be like a Western article due largely to lack of extensive coverage on penitent issues and individuals. Please go through and offer your opinion. [[User:Crosstemplejay|<font color="blue">'''Cross'''</font><font color="blue">'''Temple'''</font>]][[user talk:crosstemplejay|<font color="red">''' Jay'''</font>]] 16:38, 13 July 2017 (UTC) | :*Though I do not agree with your assertion that the article reads like a CV, I have reworded certain sections of it and proposed an alternative hook. It is sometimes very difficulty writing an African article to be like a Western article due largely to lack of extensive coverage on penitent issues and individuals. Please go through and offer your opinion. [[User:Crosstemplejay|<font color="blue">'''Cross'''</font><font color="blue">'''Temple'''</font>]][[user talk:crosstemplejay|<font color="red">''' Jay'''</font>]] 16:38, 13 July 2017 (UTC) | ||
+ | ::The article's improving but I strongly suggest you ask someone to do a third-party copyedit - I don't think it's the coverage, more the writing style. I still don't find the hook very 'hooky'. I'll let one of the DYK regulars guide you better on that. I've struck the "oppose" - it seems a naughty word at DYK --[[User:Dweller|Dweller]] ([[User talk:Dweller|talk]]) <small>Become [[Wikipedia:Old Fashioned Wikipedian Values|old fashioned!]]</small> 10:11, 14 July 2017 (UTC) | ||
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Revision as of 10:11, 14 July 2017
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David Asante-Apeatu
- ... that after spending time in Sarajevo, Lyon and The Gambia teaching, chasing criminals and serial killers, David Asante-Apeatu is now the highest ranking police officer in Ghana? Source: this and that
- ALT1 ... that David Asante-Apeatu, a former Inspector of Factories, once oversaw an operation that lead to the seizure 588 kilograms of cocaine worth millions of dollars?
Created by Crosstemplejay (talk). Self-nominated at 12:36, 28 June 2017 (UTC).
OpposeThe article reads like a CV. Furthermore, the proposed hook is poor. The article doesn't mention teaching, it trivialises police work, and as if that wasn't enough, the hook is essentially telling us that a policeman does police work and has a rank. You don't say. --Dweller (talk) Become old fashioned! 09:39, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
- Though I do not agree with your assertion that the article reads like a CV, I have reworded certain sections of it and proposed an alternative hook. It is sometimes very difficulty writing an African article to be like a Western article due largely to lack of extensive coverage on penitent issues and individuals. Please go through and offer your opinion. CrossTemple Jay 16:38, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
- The article's improving but I strongly suggest you ask someone to do a third-party copyedit - I don't think it's the coverage, more the writing style. I still don't find the hook very 'hooky'. I'll let one of the DYK regulars guide you better on that. I've struck the "oppose" - it seems a naughty word at DYK --Dweller (talk) Become old fashioned! 10:11, 14 July 2017 (UTC)