Template:Did you know nominations/Glenn Duffie Shriver
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Revision as of 23:15, 2 April 2013 by imported>Mandarax (Add missing word and a grammatical comment)
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Glenn Duffie Shriver
- ... that although Glenn Duffie Shriver (pictured) was called "Mr. Patriot" by his fiancée, he plead guilty to unlawful conveying of national defense information?
- Reviewed: No. 1 Aircraft Depot RAAF
Created by PumpkinSky (talk). Self nominated at 21:38, 26 March 2013 (UTC).
interesting factual article on good sources. Article: perhaps try chronology, first what he did in China, then sentence, although (or because) a source has it in the other order. Consider to quote his attorney's "He didn't go to China looking for trouble. It found him". - Hook: I am not happy, too legal language, no mention of China. You could at least say that his fiancée is Chinese ;) - that he speaks Chinese well, studied in Shanghai, and you could use "spy" instead of the above official phrase. The pic is free, but can we say better what it shows, not exactly "him"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 14:40, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- It is chronological. Fiancée is North Korean, not Chinese. Tweaked the hook:
- ALT1: ... that although Glenn Duffie ShriverTemplate:`s (pictured) North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot", he plead guilty to spying for China?
- PumpkinSky talk 20:18, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- That is an almost German construction, - by the time you arrive at the verb you have forgotten who. How is this:
- ALT2:. ... that Glenn Duffie Shriver (? pictured) plead guilty to spying for China, although his North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot"?
- Do we know what his "other name" means? Just curious. How can we describe what is pictured? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:14, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- ALT1: ... that although Glenn Duffie ShriverTemplate:`s (pictured) North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot", he plead guilty to spying for China?
- It is chronological. Fiancée is North Korean, not Chinese. Tweaked the hook:
