Template:Did you know nominations/Persis Foster Eames Albee
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Revision as of 20:10, 27 April 2017 by imported>Doug Coldwell (removed accidentally, replacing 7&6=thirteen as co-creator)
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Persis Foster Eames Albee
... that PFE Albee (pictured) is considered the very first "Avon Lady" and was followed by 500,000 more?
Source is James: "With over 500,000 Avon ladies in the United States, Avon has been careful to partner with them" and Olsen: c. 1886, U.S. saleswoman PFE ALbee becomes the first of about of about a half million "Avon Ladies." as refs #28 & #29.
- Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/D. J. Wilson - using second of two.
Created by Doug Coldwell (talk) and 7&6=thirteen (talk). Nominated by Doug Coldwell (talk) at 11:46, 14 April 2017 (UTC).
Interesting life, on good sources, no copyvio obvious. The image is licensed and the perfect match. - Minor questions: I would word the hook differently, how is this?- ALT1: ... that PFE Albee (pictured) is considered the first "Avon Lady", followed by about a half million others?
- Her parents: when I read about a father and a mother, I assume they were not married, otherwise I'd expect "and his wife". I may be wrong ;)
- I can't tell if she's known as PFE, because the lead says only "also".
- I guess she was born Eames, not Albee.
- I find it funny to read about her husband's profession a while after they got married.
- "There has been about 450,000 Avon Ladies", I'd expect "There have been about 450,000 Avon Ladies", or better no "there" at the beginning anyway ;)
- Please check if every new section has her name (and not just "she") when referring to her.
- Someone will tag the article for "lead too short", better avoid that. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:10, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
- Template:Ping Great ideas so I could improve the article. I learn a lot from you and it shows that you are an experienced editor. Made those corrections you suggested. Will that work? I struck the original hook, as I would rather go with your ALT1 suggestion.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:56, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
- Thank you for changes. It's still "Albee was born", while I guess Eames was born, no? I would give her an infobox where I could clarify name/birth name/other name ;) - She should not be referred to as "Albee" until she got married.
- I made minor changes myself, please check. Hummel figurines are little things, they don't "make", - you probably mean the company, or rephrase. Also, there are a few "also" close to each other ;) - I trust that you will manage!
--Gerda Arendt (talk) 13:00, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
- Gerda Arendt Dünke. Suggestions implemented. 7&6=thirteen (☎) 16:17, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
- Template:Ping Great ideas so I could improve the article. I learn a lot from you and it shows that you are an experienced editor. Made those corrections you suggested. Will that work? I struck the original hook, as I would rather go with your ALT1 suggestion.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:56, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
- Comment to promoter - Can this be put as #1 in the queue. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk)
