Template:Did you know nominations/Matar Matar
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Revision as of 16:25, 29 June 2013 by imported>Orlady (shortened my hook suggestion; reformatted parts of the discussion)
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Matar Matar
- ...
that Bahrain TV aired footage showing a defendant (pictured) who had died due to torture accusing resigned MP Matar Matar of instructing him to kill policemen?
- Reviewed: List of works by Amir Hamzah
Moved to mainspace by Mohamed CJ (talk). Self nominated at 15:49, 21 June 2013 (UTC).
This is inappropriate for the main page. The image of a body with torture marks are especially inappropriate for the main page. SL93 (talk) 06:00, 23 June 2013 (UTC)
- Articles must meet the neutral point of view policy. Articles on living individuals are carefully checked to ensure that no unsourced or poorly sourced negative material is included. Articles and hooks that focus unduly on negative aspects of living individuals or promote one side of an ongoing dispute should be avoided. SL93 (talk) 06:01, 23 June 2013 (UTC)
- Furthermore, the hook itself is kind of incomprehensible to me. It may need revision by a native speaker of English in collaboration with the nominator. rʨanaɢ (talk) 14:00, 23 June 2013 (UTC)
- This is Mohamed CJ, article creator and nominator. If review finds the hook unapproperiate, I have no problem picking another one when I return home early July, however the claim that article is not neutral is unfounded. Sources used are high quality such as Human Rights Watch and BICI Report. Mohamed CJ 17:05, 24 June 2013 (UTC)
- I never claimed that. It was just a copy and paste. The relevant part is "Articles and hooks that focus unduly on negative aspects of living individuals or promote one side of an ongoing dispute should be avoided". SL93 (talk) 17:41, 24 June 2013 (UTC)
- I see. Please excuse me for my hastly reply and any spelling/grammar mistakes as I'm writing from a phone (which I'm not used to). Also thank you for your review.
- ALT1 ... that Matar Matar, who represented Bahrain's largest electoral constituency was targeted by the government due to his actions during the Bahraini uprising? Mohamed CJ (talk) 09:16, 29 June 2013 (UTC)
- The new hook is much better, but we cannot use it as written because the source does not say he was targeted by the government -- and, anyway, that would be hard to prove. I suggest the following variant:
- ALT2 ... that Matar Matar, who represented Bahrain's largest electoral constituency in the parliament, was arrested by masked men and kept in solitary confinement due to his actions in the Bahraini uprising? --Orlady (talk) 16:22, 29 June 2013 (UTC)
- The new hook is much better, but we cannot use it as written because the source does not say he was targeted by the government -- and, anyway, that would be hard to prove. I suggest the following variant:
- ALT1 ... that Matar Matar, who represented Bahrain's largest electoral constituency was targeted by the government due to his actions during the Bahraini uprising? Mohamed CJ (talk) 09:16, 29 June 2013 (UTC)
- I see. Please excuse me for my hastly reply and any spelling/grammar mistakes as I'm writing from a phone (which I'm not used to). Also thank you for your review.
- I never claimed that. It was just a copy and paste. The relevant part is "Articles and hooks that focus unduly on negative aspects of living individuals or promote one side of an ongoing dispute should be avoided". SL93 (talk) 17:41, 24 June 2013 (UTC)
- This is Mohamed CJ, article creator and nominator. If review finds the hook unapproperiate, I have no problem picking another one when I return home early July, however the claim that article is not neutral is unfounded. Sources used are high quality such as Human Rights Watch and BICI Report. Mohamed CJ 17:05, 24 June 2013 (UTC)